“One returns to the self as to an old house…”

Some great photos by Matt Gauncheau of Joshua Clayton’s piece on following orders.

It is cold and overcast this morning. All week I have been thinking about Sunday and how to tell those who came and participated how immensely rewarding it was to see everyone. It was an amazing night and I am eagerly looking forward to the next event (August 29th!). Thank you, really, truly, from the absolute bottom of my heart.

It’s no great secret that I am given to bouts of outrageously absurd idealism – often accompanied by actual tears of joy. Thankfully, these hearts-and-rainbows sing-a-long moments are tempered by periods of soul-crushing darkness complete with a whole different variety of waterworks. I suppose there’s a name for this sort of thing, but I prefer to imagine myself engaged in a lifelong exploration of my own version of Hegel’s Dialectic, circling between belief in the world as I would like it to be and acceptance of the world as it actually is. Lately, I’ve had the feeling that the circles are gradually getting smaller – at least on a personal level.

The number one obstacle I face is my own inability to focus on making manifest my life as I would like it to be. I have always been of the mind that one need only work to better oneself in order to impact the greater good. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to stop giving myself over to every possible distraction. Case in point: I started writing this post on Monday (it’s is currently Friday). Since I sat down this morning at about 8am (it’s now 10), fully determined to get this done, I have had my toast and coffee, smoked a cigarette, checked facebook probably 3 times, read an article on the death of Tobias Wong (sad) and an interview with Maurizio Cattelan (inspiring), cuddled with the kitten, looked for things I don’t need on ebay, sat in the garden, thought about taking a nap, showered, stared out the window, and read half of a poem by Pablo Neruda. Just half. I am, without question, a top-tier procrastinator and I feel enabled by every stupid technology that promises to make my life more convenient.

I want more of less. I want to be fully committed to, and care more deeply for, fewer things. I want to turn the circle into a point.

Thanks again to everyone, for Sunday. Hope to see you all soon.

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